10 Ways to ensure that sex and the teenager remain two Separate Entities”As he thinketh in his heart so is he”Sex and the teenager is a hot topic in modern society. Teenagers are at the age between childhood and adult hood. So they are normally dying to experiment the adult things to prove themselves that they are grown uppish. The world we live in is all sexed up so our children are not protected from the sex culture that infiltrates wherever we turn including public means of transport.
Sex and the teenager
In my country we are further disadvantaged by the fact that we do not have a children’s channel so children watch the same programmes as adults. So the modern parent has to be involved in their teenage lives much more than ever before to ensure that sex and the teenager stay remain two different entities.
Whilst in the olden days, to have sex it involved one meeting another, today it is different. A teenager can be involved in sex on phone, on the internet, on facebook. They send each other suggestive pictures on the net. This is why Parenting a teenager without divine assistance in the 21st century is quite difficult because our children are exposed to things we were not exposed to so we must be vigilant including in prayer for them.
You see when you loose your child as a teenager to any of the worlds vices there is no recovering them back. Once they are introduced to alcohol, drugs, sex etc in their teenage years they will become addicted. All the addicts you know or hear about all started out their habits as teenagers. This is why we must be very careful with our teenagers.
Sex and the teenager: Consequences
1) Sex and the teenager leads to Pregnancy. A child becomes a Parent. And the life of the baby of the child is ruined because a child cannot provide good parenting.
2) Actions of sex and the teenager can lead to disease, some incurable like Aids.
3) Sex and the teenager can lead to addiction to sex which then leads to prostitution.
4) Consequences of sex and the teenager can lead to Unfulfilled dreams.
5) Indulging in activities of sex and the teenager can lead to low self esteem, no respecting of self and consequently of poor performance in life in general.
Sex and the Teenager: The Solution
Let me start by saying that the solution does not start when our children are teenagers. We must start the process of preventing our teenagers from indulging in sex from when they are younger, in their formative years this is where the process begins. The points below should be inculcated when the child is younger but even when a child becomes a teenager too. It is easier for the Parent when the child is younger.
a) Try to regulate the programmes they watch on television. Watch television with them so that you guide them. create other fun activities for the family to get involved in when a programme you do not want them watching is airing. Parents we just have to be creative in our parenting if we will keep sex and the teenager separate.
b) Teach them about choices and that each choice has a consequence. Even discuss the consequences of sex well before hand. Teach them to set their own standards. With peer pressure rife at this age, they must know to set their own standards. Teach them the importance of being principled and how one is respected for being principled. Give them examples of principled people that they can relate to.
c) Discuss values –what are they. Ensure they have values and they are written down. Explain the importance of values in decision making. Teenagers make alot of decisions in the parents absence so help them believe in making decisions based on their values.
d) Teach them that bad company corrupts good character. So every time they are in new company this statement should always come to mind. Are they in good or bad company. Teach them how to judge what is good or bad character.
e) Keep them busy. That is why I recommend planning for their holidays in my article have you planned for the holidays. Because if you don’t, an idle mind encourages thinking and practicing of sex by a teenager. An idle mind is the devils workshop
f) Ensure that you monitor the interaction your teenager has with friends and that it is one you would approve of. Teenagers are the number two influencers of their fellow teens.
g) Choose their friends for them. Of course they choose their friends but as for who they spend extra time with, you determine that. It is important to get to know the kind of family their friends come from before you allow her to interact deeply.
Is it a family that incorporates the same values as yours- that is the determining factor. Also I believe you determine how much time they spend with friends. They cannot be with friends every time they want to be with friends because that would be all day for a teenager.
h) Make it your business to find out what your teenager knows about sex and the teenager so that you can initiate a discussion where you put in your point of view which is different from the one they hold. This will make them think differently. Teenagers of today are very thoughtful people so when you introduce a new way of thinking it is bound to make an impression.
i) When you watch programmes on television or movies and you notice a point or message that is contrary to the teachings you have given your teenager on sex and the teenager or to your value system. Make it a reference point for discussion.
j) Teenager’s will try to convince you to break the rules that you have been using to bring them up previously. The rules that discourage sex and the teenager. They can pressurise you. Do not succumb to the pressure from your teenager, they are just trying their lack but this is the time to show them there is no compromise with the truth. Having said that, you should also heed to their needs and meet in a wise manner.
BONUS TIP – you know teenagers are moody and like keeping to themselves most of the time. Before they become a teenager, when they are in formative years, inculcate open sharing of information between you. Let them know you need to know what is happening in their lives so that you can protect them. So when they become a teenager it will be difficult to close up. They will still find themselves sharing their inner thoughts even on sex. And so you can be able to advise accordingly.
What am I saying that? whether a teenager decides to indulge in sex or not is dependant very much on what is going on in the family front and so we as Parents must ensure that we play our roles as effective as we can. Remember, you are only human and we can only do so much and that is why I recommend in matters pertaining to family, you must seek divine intervention.
Our values are determined by what we hear, see or whom we associate with, so Parents let us be conscious of what we allow our children to see, hear or interact with. Let us be vigilante.
Parents are very busy today than ever before but you have to take more time with your teenager, talk with them as often as possible about life because guess to whom the consequences of dealing with sex and the teenager falls on – YOU, the parent. Why? Because a teenager is still a child and a child is the responsibility of the parent no matter how you look at it.