6 Tips to Avoid Comfort Zone in your Marriage”As he thinketh in his heart so is he”
Is it possible to have a comfort zone in marriage? I think that a high number of marriage breakups are caused by marriage partners creating a comfort zone in their marriages.
Comfort Zone in Marriage
You get married and everything is going fine as long as it is the two of you. However, baby one comes along after year one of marriage and that changes everybody’s life, including the babies. This is when you understand the strengths and weaknesses of each other more than ever before, this is when you know what division of duties according to labour lines means.
The wife normally is the one who feels it more than the husband and so she starts behaving in a strange way that the husband does not understand. This goes on for years because they never discussed it and had not talked of a conflict resolution strategy before marriage.
Anyhow, the lives of husband and wife drift apart and the focus becomes the children but each partner does their duty for the family to survive. Communication is interspersed and often not there. Wife does her own thing and so does hubby. What happens when all this drama is unfolding?
The two become strangers under the same roof. This takes years to happen and as you go on baby number two also comes in and complicates things even further. Have you ever heard of such a story? Is it common? What is the cause? The problem is Creating a comfort zone in your marriage.
A comfort zone is the same thing happening day in day out every year. Marriage is a very sensitive institution. It is made up of two grownups who normally are very different from each other. Actually marriage is not an institution but a school.
In this school you learn about each other and each others needs and look for ways and means to satisfy each others needs. This is what makes marriage life not routine but because most marriages choose not to learn the others needs, they settle for a comfort zone marriage.
Consequences of Comfort zones in Marriage?
1) The two partners that got married out of love start not liking each other, they do not respect each other, they despise each other. We have two strangers living under the same roof.
2) If both partners believe in family, the wife focuses on her duties as a mother and not a wife and the husband starts thinking of alternatives especially should a beautiful girl dare notice him. It is the chief cause of infidelity in marriage.
3) The children are left there wondering, they have no clue. Nobody is thinking about them during all these drama but I think they are most affected parties in the drama. So if these children are not handled with care, they could end up being ‘dysfunctional’. They do not perform well in class and they feel inferior amongst their peers.
4) Like I mentioned earlier, marriage is a school. What you do in school is learn and the learning you receive enables you to enlarge your boundaries. Teh same it is marriage, once you have allowed the comfort zone bug to infect your marriage, you stop learning and your marriage stops growing. And your marriage does not take you to the next level as it should be so your life becomes stagnant.
Bottom line is that the consequences of a comfort zone taking root in your marriage is a dysfunctional family where everybody is affected and living below their standards. Look at it on a larger scale. The family is the bedrock of society. If more families in Kenya allow the comfort zone in their homes then the country also becomes dysfunctional because you and I are the country.Tips to avoid Comfort Zone in your marriage
There is one shocking fact that many take for granted. That a successful marriage is determined by the wife. A wife either makes her marriage or brings it down. Why? Because she was created to be a helper to the man. That is why it is written that when one finds a wife they find a good thing. So no matter how liberated or busy a wife is, she must know her powerful position in the home and be informed that the success of her marriage is on her shoulders.
This is such a big responsibility placed on women. It therefore means it is the wives responsibility to ensure that the comfort zone bug does not take root in her home.
Just like in any job, if allot of responsibility is placed on you, much more is expected of you and the promotions are yours. A happy husband will mean a happy home and wife.
1) Respect your husband – I heard a Pastor talking on a radio station with his wife present and he said that men do not understand love by words. That means when you tell him you love him, it gets in through one ear and gets out through the other. A man understands love from the perspective of respect. If you respect a man then you are telling him that you love him more than words can say.
2) Marriage is hard work – It is the wife responsibility that life in her house does not become routine because it just spoils the fun. The wife should take the initiative of coming up with new ways of doing things and interacting with each other as a family. You might find your husband is better and he takes over but before he does that, it is your job. Obviously whatever you do, you consult. Lack of consultation leads to what we do not need in our marriages.
3) Wife needs to change first. Like I mentioned earlier marriage is a school and in that school we learn more ourselves and our partner’s too. However, you will find unless the wife changes nobody is changing in that home so the wife has to take the leadership role in this area of personal change. The good news is that when you change everybody changes and you are all happy.
4) Learn to treat your husband like a senior chief. Nobody questions a senior chief. If you do not know how to treat a senior chief, like me, watch a few Nigerian movies you will get the hint. The bible says husbands love your wives before it says wives submit to your husband so there is the question which comes first before the other? The answer is very simple, the marriage partner who is reading this article do your bit first, you will reap the dividends.
5) In Marriage with all due respect with all the changes that are happening in the world, you need divine intervention in your marriage. It is said a cord of three strands is more difficult to break than one of two strands. The third strand in your marriage is God. If you do not know how to pray do not fret. Buy a book called the power of a praying wife and the power of a praying husband by Stormie Omartian. There are ready prayers for you in those two books.
6) There are other books on building a happy lasting marriage. You can attend marriage seminars even with your spouse, mingle with other married couples, search in the internet for solutions to your problem. Let us know if there is any area you would want us to write about on marriage, we would be more than glad to oblige.
To have a happy marriage in modern day society is hard work and I mean hard work so if you do not like hard work stay away from marriage because it will only bring you unhappiness and emotional scars.
For my brothers and sisters who are already in marriage, make it a pleasurable experience for all parties by doing all that is humanly possible to avoid the comfort zone in your marriage because it just stifles your marriage to death.