Effective Marriage Counselling in Kenya”As he thinketh in his heart so is he”Marriage Counselling is advise given to a married couple by trained professionals or by church Counsellors or by friends. It can be done by a couple or each marriage partner can receive individual counselling by themselves on marital matters.
Marriage counselling by professionals in Kenya is not very common because to many it is a sign of a failing marriage and no one wants to feel their marriage is on the verge of collapse.
However, women are known to talk a lot about their personal woes including marriage issues and this can qualify for marriage counselling. Marriage Counselling is therefore important to any marriage relationship. As to when is the right time to seek marriage counselling can only be determined by the couple themselves.
Marriage is a holy institution ordained by God. The bible is full of practical advice for married couples. However, the pressures of modern society seem to affect even Christian homes and so one needs to know how to deal with the issues of marriage should they arise in one’s life. Marriage counselling is a workable option in a troubled marriage.
Effecctive Marriage in Kenya
Marriage counseling is for marriages that are experiencing problems and so the purpose of Marriage counseling is to make the marriage work. There are basic principles that one needs to practice for maximum results in their marriage counseling. They are:
a) Both parties must agree to open up their feelings – counseling can fail if one partner refuses to open up.
b) Stick to what’s really important. Arguing over past troubles or specific issues might could hamper healing. The couple needs to understand that counseling time is not an opportunity to portray self destructive behaviors in a negative light.
c) Focus on your partners good points, talk about issues and use sensitivity. Demonstrate care even if you disagree on issues to avoid breaking the last straw or cause your marriage psychological problems.
d) Forgiveness – to heal your marriage lots of forgiveness on both sides will be required. Extreme emotions cannot heal until both parties reach a new understanding. Even if you divorce eventually, counseling can help you maintain a civil relationship.
e) Counseling should support healthy personal growth for both people. Both should feel inspired to set new goals for their marriage.Preparation for Effective Marriage Counseling in Kenya
Marriage Counseling can be beneficial for any ailing marriage especially where communication has broken down. In order to get the most out of your counseling sessions you should prepare a little beforehand. The session will move smoothly if you think about your feelings and issues before entering the counselling centre.
a) List what you expect to achieve as a result of attending marriage counseling . You can share this with your spouse.
b) Write down the past, current or future road blocks that you and your spouse have encountered previously.
c) Develop a positive attitude. Being positive will help you get value for your money and time. Negativity is a big hindrance to success in marriage counseling.
d) Write down the positives aspects of your relationship going far back as when you fell in love. This will help clarify what works in your relationships.
It is good to realize that you cannot change your partner and that marriage counseling will not fix your family life or problems instantly. Though in marriage counseling you will discuss and talk about all the thorny issues, Keep in mind the ultimate goal whihc is to save your marriage so do not be careless in how you conduct yourself. There are no problems that can be fixed without effort so you must both want his marriage to work.How to Woe a partner to Marriage Counseling in Kenya
No matter how tumultuous your relationship has been, it’s often hard for a Kenyan husband especially to see a request for marriage counselling as anything other than criticism or a threat. Here are tips to suggest marriage counseling to a spouse.
1) Bring up the subject when you’re not fighting. Demanding marriage counseling in the heat of an argument is likely to be taken like a personal attack. It’s best to bring up the subject quietly when you’re alone and not distracted by everyday stress.
2) Keep the focus on improving your relationship and becoming better partners–not on accusing your spouse of making you unhappy. If your spouse sees counseling as punishment or a chance to lay blame, he’s likely not going to cooperate. Take responsibility for some of the marital problems and explain you want to work on your relationship skills.
3) Start going to marriage counseling alone if your spouse isn’t willing and keep them updated of your progress. Let them see a changed you. They might be more interested in counseling if they see you’re committed to it and there are positive improvements in how you relate.
4) Tell your spouse you need his presence in the counseling sessions so that you can make progress. If he sees going to counseling as a way to help you, rather than analyze his faults in front of a stranger, you’re more likely to get him through the door.
One has to choose their marriage counselor wisely to ensure that it is somebody with whom they will get results and will receive the latest marriage advice.
Bottom line marriage counseling is a good way to save ones marriage from breaking down completely. The Family is the cornerstone of society and it is from marriage that family is borne. I guess this is why the bible forbids divorce because it grieves God and has lifelong effects especially on the Children and so whatever one can do to ensure that our marriages are sustained and not broken, then God will be for it.