Older women, younger men relationships are becoming a common phenomena in Kenya so much so that it was the subject of discussion in a local morning show today. The woman in this kind of relationship is normally referred to as the Cougar. What I wonder is why there is no name for the younger man. Why is it okay for a man to marry a younger woman but not the other way round. What encourages this kind of double standards?
Can an Older Woman Younger Man Relationship Work?
Older Woman Younger man Relationship
The late Wambui Otieno made history again when she married her garden boy turned lover commonly known as Mbugua, 38 years her junior in 2003. Why it was historical is because she was the first older woman to get out of the closet and declare it publicly. This was followed a few years by another glamorous 51 year Old woman described as a real estate tycoon in Kenya who married 24 year old man.
Whilst this two cases made headlines in the Kenyan news. It is very uncommon to hear an older woman dating a younger man talking about it in public because our culture has not embraced it yet. It seems to be taboo.
There are a few Kenyan Television shows that try to portray an older woman marrying a younger in Kenya, ofcourse it is always to show the younger man is interested in the money of their older wife.If an older woman and younger man in Kenya would be found sitting together or looking at each other like they are in love, alot of stares would go to their direction.
I googled this subject and I found very many women in the West are actually practicing it and their marriages are working. Ofcourse they face some challenges caused by the husband being younger but which marriage does not have hurdles to tackle? Apparently such articles normally have alot of comments because it seems alot of women keep it in secret.
However the superstars of this world do not seem to have such hang-ups as we common folk like Madonna 10 years older than Guy Ritchie, Mariah Carey 12 years older than her husband, Demi Moore is 15 years older than Ashton Kutcher, Tina Turner is 16 years older than Erwin Bach and Joan Collins is 25 years older than her husband of many years and the list goes on.
You will find them hugging, cuddling or holding hands with their younger men, lovers or husbands. Is this a message to the rest of us.
I read Wahu is ten years older than Nameless and they have been married for quite a while so definitely marriage between an older woman and younger woman can work.
What Causes Older Women, Younger Men Relationships?
In the traditional Kenya, relationships between the opposite sex were purely for procreation and financial stability, however, in Modern Kenya with the empowerment of women, relationships are no longer for those purposes only. Women today are looking for love and companionship, stuff that money cannot buy.
So the question is – can a young man provide love and companionship? Ofcourse he can and Mbugua and Wambui Otieno proved it. They proved that it can be till death do us part.
After a woman reaches her forties, it is very difficult to get dates from men of their age so you will find they are very lonely group of people. So when approached by a young man, they will be very receptive no one wants to be lonely and we all want to be loved.
Most of this women are also religious and go to church alot in the hope of getting a religious man in addition to developing a relationship with their God. Most Religions teach that one should not get involved with a married as that is adultery so the only option is older women settling for single younger men. This is because any man over 40’s who is single unless ofcourse widowed or divorced is strange. So most of the single guys are younger than the woman hence the origin of older woman younger woman relationships.
I have been approached by very many young men ( yes I am attractive just incase you are wondering) but due to my Kenyan indoctrination that I can only date an older man I put off a younger man. I think I need to smell the coffee and wake up. Could I be pushing away what I have been looking for all this time?
So whether an older woman younger man relationship can work in Kenya is up to the two lovebirds.
An older woman younger man true story in Kenya
I met a lady last year and I knew we would be good friends but after some time we lost touch only to find her again in another function and so we became friends. Whilst talking to her she normally makes very interesting statements like, ‘you know you cannot get along with a guy of your own age or older’ or ‘ I am going home to my love’. This might not sound strange to you but she is 51 years old.
So such words coming from a 51 year nice looking Kenyan lady will tell you there is a story behind such remarks. So recently I asked her, so how old is your boyfriend? She answered 12 years younger than me. Yes she smiles and adds “and we live together”. Am like really? And she is like yes really looking as excited as a four year old girl waiting for an ice cream.
My response to her is that you know you are the pioneers of older women younger men relationship in Kenya and you should form a support group to empower women because most Kenyan women in such relationships are doing it in hiding fear of reprisals in the community. They have to keep up appearances.
Are relationships between older women and younger men acceptable, right? In my article The Family Structure in Kenya has changed, I point out that as society gets more and more advanced, the family cannot be left untouched. The family structure will also change and this new kind of relationship is part of the impact of the 21st Century on the family.
In addition, the Holy Book says that a family unit is between a man and a woman. It does not specify the age of either sexes. I guess even the Holy book is intimating that age is just a number and so older women and younger men relationships are okay for whomever wants to get involved in them as long as they are both consenting adults